Mainstream culture sees solitude as something to be avoided. If you spend lots of time in solitude, you may quickly be considered an antisocial outcast; maybe carrying some unresolved issues.
It’s a shame, as only solitude can show you the path to a harmonious state of being. In fact as long as you haven’t found joy in solitude, you remain somewhat at a distance from knowing yourself.
The Demands of Society
Let’s be honest: Most people around will demand something from you. Your family wants you to be available & supportive. You friends want to have a good time with you. Your boss wants you to be creative & efficient.
Now I am not evaluating this. I am just stating this fact. And maybe this is one reason some people prefer the company of their dog, because he seems to just accept you for whatever you are & whatever you do.
This is not the common approach people have towards each other, right? It is very easy to disappoint most people, because they carry a lot of expectations on their mind. Do you ever ask yourself why this is? And whether there is a more fruitful way to live?
A Precarious State
This way to relate becomes very normal if your „me“ mind activity keeps you busy most of the time. This is all the activity that revolves around that image of yourself that you have stored in your mind.
In this world of the „me“ concept, many things seem to determine your value; it is tied to relationships, money, success and more. And the deeper you are identified with this image of yourself, the more all of this becomes real for you.
There have been people who committed suicide because they lost all their money in a financial crash. To one it may seem like just a couple of digits in a bank account. To the other this is part of who he is; and when the money is gone, it feels like a part of him dies. Suffering.
Basically this is the only way the „me“ concept can relate to anything: Either it elevates you, or it lowers you; everything else is unimportant anyways. And this is why someone who is completely entangled in this wants you to be a certain way – otherwise he sees his value at stake.
So remember this: If one is angry or frustrated with you, he may actually feel diminished because he is attached to something he sees at stake. This insight opens you up to compassion instead of seeing the other as an enemy. And out of compassion will flow rightful action, instead of a tiny war arising between you two; can be especially helpful in close relationships.
A Harmonious State
If you live in society, this game of expectations is a game you will have to play. And this is fine. It’s just that it becomes tedious if it’s all that you know.
And there is another dimension to you that tastes so very sweet. I first became aware of it amidst the beauty of the forest during a warm summer. I have been meditating for some time; and there I was: In complete solitude, free to simply be. An enormous joy touched me to the core.
There basically is a heaven within you, if you let it be, do you know?
You may have noticed that in the forest nobody demands anything from you. The birds do not demand you to sing although your voice may be astonishing. The trees do not kindly ask you to disappear. Everything just is.
So it may be easier to feel this harmonious state over there. But really the problem is not so much that someone else expects you to be somebody. Just take a look at all those expecations & evaluations you have of yourself – ah, what a burden to carry sometimes, right?
And this is the reason why most people probably never feel this state of harmony within them. They are so very used to this voice in their head that compulsively evaluates everything. And you see: Where there is evaluation, there is separation, and therefore can be no state of harmony.
So can you free your mind for just a second? Don’t worry! All those problems you may be thinking about will still be there in a minute!
I can’t really tell you why we often are so entrenched in our problems & judgements. All I know is that we pay a huge price for it – and that your world will never be the same again when you have realized there is a deeper, non-conceptual dimension to you.